"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation."
Rainer Maria Rilke
This snowy late February morning, I am thinking of a box that sits in the dark corner of my bedroom closet. The box is an old shoe box and it is full of a lifetime of love letters.
The lifetime of the love that was felt between my husband and me. That life was over 7 years ago when he walked out of the marriage and broke my heart.
I have been holding on to the last remnant of the love that I thought would last for my lifetime.
I have not been able to destroy the letters and post cards and love poems that, for me, said yes the love that I had for him was real, and for a time the love he had for me was real.
But, lately I am thinking, why am I holding on to that old shoe box of love letters? I am starting to feel like maybe it is time to build a fire in the fireplace, I have been saving some of the last of the firewood, open a bottle of wine, put on some music and read those letters for the last time and them feed the fire with them.
The end of February, my least favorite month, might just be the exactly right time to free myself of those letters and those memories.
I am open to finding new love, I don't know where or how, or when. but I know that I was meant to be in love, I believe in love. I am very good at loving all of my family, my children, my sisters and brothers, my dad, my friends and I am looking for a very special man to expend some of the love I still have in my heart just for him.
2 comments:
Those letters might really mean something to your girls someday. For that matter, they might really mean something to you someday. Obviously what to do with them is your decision. But there were some really wonderful and tangible results of the years you spent with the dude (your daughters and yeah, your letters). If they aren't driving you nuts in the bottom of your closet, why not keep them.
Not sure I agree with anonymous. Those letters were love letters between you and your husband. Not sure they belong being read by anyone else, not even your girls. If it brings complete satisfaction to you to burn the letters, I say do it. Your heart knows what is best for you. Follow it and you won't go wrong. Much happiness lies ahead for you. Keep those eyes open and let the past rest!
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