Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Broken Hearted

"Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love." Jane Austen  from Northanger Abbey

A friend of mine has just been dumped.  It brought a lot of thoughts to my mind about hearts and how they get broken and the nature of human love. Thoughts of my own heart breaks are flooding my mind. I know for certain that having really good friends to talk to was the first step in healing those broken hearts. Friends are there for you when you are falling apart.  They hold you up. I am thinking of my dear friend Madeleine who was there for me when my husband announced he was leaving.  She helped me through the entire process from day one.

 Another person that I know has decided not to date the man she met, but has not told him. She is just ignoring his e-mails, phone calls and other mail.  Having been on the receiving end of such actions, I am here to say that is not the way to handle a break up. Now she has not known this guy for long, but lets be adults and tell the person that you really aren't suited to one another. Completely ignoring another human beings feelings is really not nice.

"I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman's feelings; and there may often be a great deal more suffered than a stander-by can judge of ."  Jane  Austen  from Mansfield Park

I love to read Jane Austen.  She is able to get right at the heart of the human condition.  Her heroines usually always end up happily situated with the man of their dreams. I choose to think that we can all find that person who will love us and stay committed to that love. Even though that has not happened for me.  

I did fall deeply in love, but he left. Obviously, he was not the man for me. After, a long time, I was allowing my self to trust again and to fall in love. He chose to ignore me and not call or answer calls.   Then I got back on the proverbial horse and was getting close to someone.  Not at all sure if love was going to blossom, but the possibility was certainly there.  Well guess what, he too choose to disregard my feelings, not answering calls or e-mails and absolutely, just disappearing.  I want to say to all those who are afraid to face up to the idea that they don't want to see a person any longer, or things just aren't what they expected, to just say it.  It really is much better for the person you are leaving to know how you feel.  Now me, after a week of not answering calls or e-mails,  I just leave that person alone. I think if you have to do it by e-mail that is somewhat cowardly.  If you have been in an involved relationship, be kind and  face the person, it may be uncomfortable for you, but in the end, it is much better for all concerned.

"Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone-but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding."   Bette Davis

I know in my heart that there are men and women out there who can fall in love, grow in love, and last a lifetime.  I have seen them, I know them. It takes some effort on both sides.  For all of us single in our fifties who have suffered broken hearts,  I know if we just keep believing our special someone will find us or we will find them.

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