Tuesday, November 20, 2012


"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"For each new morning with its light,
  For rest and shelter of the night,
  For health and for, for love and friends,
  For everything Thy goodness sends." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Contemplating this years thanksgiving feast, i began to feel very melancholy, as it struck me that again this year, i will not have any family at home to celebrate this great American holiday. Last year was difficult for me, not having my family at home.  I went to visit Steve's family in Indiana.  It was lovely, but just did not feel like Thanksgiving to me.

Really, I am thankful for so many things in my life.  I was raised in a loving family atmosphere with a mother and father who loved each other and all their family.  The abundance of love in my family sent me forth in the world to build my own family. Of course, in my usual way, I built my family, in two marriages and still ended up with just me and my children. What wonderful children they are.  We are missing one physical part of the family, since my son left this earthly world two years ago. He is always with me in my heart.

So as I sat there, contemplating my sadness, I started to think about all the wonderful Thanksgivings I have had in my life, as a little girl, and then as a woman with her own family, and I started to feel less sad and just truly thankful.  I am thankful that I get to cook a delicious meal in my own home. I am thankful for the smells that will fill my home as I prepare the food.  I am thankful for Steve and for his family that will join me at table this year. I am thankful for friends.  I am thankful for my daughters who get to spend the day together.  So here's to Thanksgiving!  I will leave you with the words of a great Scot   "Some hae meat and canna eat-
           And some wad eat that want it;
           Be we hae meat, and we can eat,
           Sae let the Lord be thankit."    Robert Burns

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Past The Present The Future

"Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely, improve the present. It is thine. Go Forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sitting around with co-workers with a cup of coffee in hand, the talk turned to school and teachers.  Everyone seems to remember every teacher they have ever had.  Me, not so much.  I can remember 3rd, 5th and 6th grades  and various teachers from junior high school ( why yes I am old enough to have gone to junior high school and not middle school)  and a few memorable teachers from high school.   I hear people say, oh it is because of this teacher that I am at this job or such things.  Me not so much.  I am not sure that I was greatly influenced by anyone other than my mom and dad.

So yes I enjoyed high school,  do I want to relive that part of my life, no.  I have so many wonderful memories of life after high school.  I don't really do anything in my life conventionally.  I was never highly ambitious to be anything special . Ironically, I chose teaching as my profession.  It was teaching or being a nurse. After starting college, quitting to marry, way too early in life, having a child and then getting divorced and returning to school, teaching won out over nursing.

Now that my children are grown, and gone from the home, I sometimes get caught up in thinking about the past.   Sometimes it makes me sad.  Mostly, though  I can remember some really fun times with my children with joy and wonder.

I surely cannot change anything in the past, and prefer to think about the present and not so much about the future.   I live my life in the present.  Happy, sad, contemplative, disgusted, tired but living the present to the fullest.   Looking forward to visiting with my children when I am able  but carving out a life of my own, which sometimes means doing things alone.

What comes next?   I don't know. My life is so different than what I thought it might be after graduating from college,  not sure I made the best decisions, but I have enjoyed life and being with the people I love. Even through tough times of loss, I have been able to put things in order and still just have a happy time.  What more can anyone ask?

Monday, August 27, 2012


"The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes."  Frank Lloyd Wright

I have been contemplating life and aging quite a bit of the time lately. I find this quote by Frank Lloyd Wright rather inspiring.   I took a day trip to visit my dad for his birthday.  Driving by my old high school, it struck me that I just don't remember the girl that spent 3 years of her life in that building.  I can't remember her much at all,  did she have dreams, aspirations, friends.  Was she funny or annoying or had any goals in life. I am sure she must have, but the woman that I am now, just cannot quite recall that girl of so long ago.

I have been feeling lonely for days gone past.  I miss people that have been so important in my life that I rarely get to see these days.  I work  and work and work every day to make money to live in my home.  A home that I shared with my children. A house full of memories.  

I find with all this meditation that I have been rather lucky.  Sure I have some sorrows that will never leave, but they can sit quietly in my mind, until I need to dust them off for a good cry every now and then, but overall, I have been lucky and content.  I have been fortunate to be able to travel some,  I have seen amazingly beautiful places and I have gotten to share that joy with people that I love.  I have truly wonderful family and friends and I think I agree with Frank Lloyd Wright.