Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Lies and Liars

"False words are not only evil in themselves but they infect the soul with evil" Plato

"Repitition does not transfer a lie into a truth" Franklin D. Roosevelt

"All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it.  I myself deny it." H. L. Mencken

I came a realization this weekend, that someone I trusted had not deserved that trust.  So I have been thinking about lies that men tell women to get what they want from them.

This man, lets call him Allen, seemed like a genuine person.  He was hurt and lonely after having gone through a difficult divorce.  My friend asked me if I would be interested in going out with him and when I approved she paved the way for him to contact me.  

Well we had a nice long phone call and I decided to go out and have coffee with him.  Now I had not been ready to date, as I had a horrible divorce and was just not ready to go out there.  I had tried the popular Match.com and met a man at a restaurant.  I had made the mistake of telling him my last name and he showed up at my house uninvited.  Well that was enough to scare me off for a while.  So Allen went to my church, he had kids, he was a friend of a friend so I felt safe.

Well what followed is a long story.  But the short of it we were quite involved.  Except, he couldn't be open with his girls because they didn't want him to date.  He often showed up at my house very late in the evening.  My daughters accepted him.  After about 8 months he just stopped calling or coming over.  He said he couldn't be what I wanted.   Well all I wanted was not to be treated like a door mat.  Which he often did.  He wanted to take but not give.
So I was heartbroken.    But I got over it!

Not too long ago he showed up at my house with gifts.  A beautiful antique platter and a bottle of carmel liquor.  I let him come in for coffee and a chat.  I wasn't going to be mean to him, but I knew I didn't want to be involved with him again.

Two weeks later he got married!!  Now that was a shock.  It turns out now that he was actually seeing this woman before and during the time he was seeing me.  Now I know that everything he said to me was a lie.  He lied about a lot of things and he is so not the person I thought he was. When I found out about this I felt bad about myself. How could I, single and in my fifties, be so naive?  

Well this is the conclusion that I came to.  I am a trusting soul.  I don't want to be any other way.  I may get heartbroken from time to time but I am still going to trust.   
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." Johannes Wolfgang von Goethe

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not trust" Samuel Johnson

"It is impossible to through life without trust. That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself." Graham Greene

Well I just had to get those thoughts out of my head so I can think about much nicer things.

1 comment:

moon_grrl said...

What a warty toad! You deserve so much better. Well, if he ever shows up again, you should make it your business to tell his new wifey-poos. He thinks he's quite the player and needs to be taken down a peg, methinks.

At least you now know that if anyone tries that secret-secret crap again, you should drop-kick them like a bad habit (in the family jewels, if it was up to me)! :-)