Friday, September 19, 2008


"There is not remedy for love but to love more."  Henry David Thoreau


I would love to be in love again.  I am searching for it, but it is an elusive thing.


Let me tell you about my search for love using those internet dating sites, in particular e-harmony.  This is absolutely NOT the place to find love.  I have given it a fair deal.  I stuck with them for, oh about 3 years.  They have tried to match me up with some people I would never entertain the idea of dating.  I have met exactly 2 men that I have communicated with on e-harmony. The first one was really interesting and I was interested in pursuing the match.  After the second date, I got the old standard e-mail.


“Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking signing up for dating, I just don’t have the time or energy to pursue a relationship.”


So I am thinking, 1. Why did you waste my time   and

 2.Are you really just trying to say you don’t want to date me?


So I turn the matching off, I am just tired of going through the motions and getting nowhere.


Now fast forward-  I am bored and finding no one to date, I get an e-mail from e-harmony saying a match wants to communicate-guess I had forgotten to turn the matching off after all.  Now this is how many matches you get with e-harmony when you are single in your 50’s,  about 1 ever 3 months, if you are lucky.  So he sounded interesting, I paid up, and started to communicate. We chatted back and forth for several weeks. We had many interests in common.   One day he asked to meet.  So we set up a date for dinner at Papa George Greek in Champaign.


I put some effort into my appearance, nice black top and great jeans.  I even put some hide the wrinkles face make-up on, which I only use on dates and special occasions.  My daughter did my hair in a really cute up thing.  I got to the restaurant first. First impression,  well he is okay, I guess.


We sat, we ordered, we talked, and talked and talked, for about 2 and ½ hours.   He mentions that if he got a new car it would be a 65 Mustang.  I say “That’s my favorite car.”   He says, “ What color would you choose?”  After a short pause to ponder, I say” Red.”  He says,  “Exactly the color I would choose.”


He says, “I think attraction grows in a relationship over time.”   I say, “I think that is possible (because I am thinking,  I am not feeling a lot of chemistry here.)”


I say, “I have been divorced for 7 years.”  He looking sheepish says,  “I have been divorced for 21 years.”  I see a field of red flags appear in my mind.   He then proceeds to tell his story.


I give him my personal e-mail address (once I meet someone, I never check the web site again).  He writes down his e-mail and his phone and says, “ Let’s go to a movie this week,  you choose one and I will give you a call on Monday.”   I say, “ Okay.”


We say goodbye and I leave.


Monday comes and no call yet.   Wednesday, I drop him an e-mail saying thanks for dinner and relaying some trivial news of the week.  No answer, no phone call.  On Thursday I drop another e-mail just saying hi ( at this point I know something is up, but I am not willing to let him off the hook so easily).  Still no answer.  My niece says, “Is he still on e-harmony?”   I don’t know, haven’t logged in there since I met him.  


So, I log on.   Sure enough he closed the match; just didn’t feel there was enough chemistry.  Now I am angry.  What a coward.  Why didn’t he just say that in an e-mail?

I was willing to give him one more date to see if I felt differently. I usually need to feel the attraction pretty close upon meeting someone. But my tastes in men have proven to be faulty.

My biggest question is, why are some men such dishonest cowards?  If you aren’t feeling the chemistry and you don’t want to pursue a dating relationship, DON”T make a second date and DON’T hand out your e-mail and phone number.  It is okay not to feel the attraction.  It is okay to just say thanks for a nice evening and NEVER try to say and do things you don’t mean.  Just walk out with grace and dignity.  

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