Thursday, August 27, 2009

Fear of the unknown

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;

One need not to be a house;

The brain has corridors surpassing

Material place.

Emily Dickinson

Of late my dreams have been quite frightening. A little history; when I was about 16 I began to have nightmares. Nightmares so real that I would wake up screaming. My poor mother would jump out of bed, knocking her shins against the bed frame or the dresser, in an attempt to get to me, to see if i was being murdered in my bed!

A particular memory was a time that she came in my room and I was crouched by the bed, I told her "Get down they will get you". She was always so reassuring, she would wake me up and tell me everything was okay. My mom's name was Regena.

Fast forward to modern day, another Regena, my darling daughter, has taken up the task of reassuring me that everything is okay. Yes indeed, all these years later, I am still waking up screaming bloody murder! Regena thinks I need to see a sleep therapist. Perhaps she is correct, but I am not sure they could do anything for me. The last two weeks I have had a screamer, about 10 of the 14 days! Do I remember the dream, not usually, but I know it always involve my making the wrong decision.

Fear of the unknown, that nagging thing that you have to get around. I think my dreams are tied to fear of the unknown. Or it could be fear of making decisions, whether they be financial or decisions about what to do with my life, or fear of things that are to come. Now I have to have a needle aspiration of a cyst in my left breast. I have never had anything like this done ever, so I am a little nervous about. There is a slight fear that it will turn out not to be a cyst, but the doctor assured me he believes it is a cyst. So I am NOT going to obsess about the whole thing and just think about my upcoming trip to Cape Cod with Steve.

Hey, Regena will get a 10 day break from those screamers!

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