Last week some time, I checked out the positive quote of the day on the dashboard on my computer. I really liked the quote, so here it is:

"Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point." Harold B. Melchart

For some reason that quote struck me as profound. Of course it really is much the same as stop and smell the roses.

I had an impromptu vacation this week. Regena needed to get to Lambert Airport in St. Louis on Monday. She flew out to LA for three days, so she needed to be picked up on Wednesday.

I have quite a few vacations days that I haven't taken, because sometimes, I just work to hard!

So, I took 3 days vacation, dropped Regena off at the airport on Monday morning and headed to my sister's house for a visit. We spent three days together, having fun with Emma and Michelle, we watched some movies, ate some delicious food, splashed in a wave pool, went to the zoo, accomplished shopping for a wedding we are all going to on Sunday, read a book, did some crocheting with Emma, had a couple of Mojitos with Michelle, walked down to the river and spent some time just remembering growing up in Alton. I had just a marvelous time!

I must remember to not get entirely caught up in work, and take my vacations days. Often even the simplest things can be so relaxing.

Of course, I am headed to Ireland again in September and I am totally looking forward to that.

So, have a goal, but don't miss the fun things along the way, is what I have learned this week.

The nearly empty nest

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed. Erma Bombeck

Well it is just about that time, again. My daughters are off to grad school, very soon. Which, I might add, I am very happy about.

But, I faced empty nest when they were both in college living in a dorm or in an apartment.

Then one came home, until she decided exactly what she wanted to do with her life. It has been very nice having her home. She comes and goes as she pleases, but we have had some quality time the last two years, just hanging out at home.

I will miss her, when she moves in just less than a month.

Her sister, just graduated and will be heading off to Scotland for grad school, which i am very excited for her to be able to do this.

It is very strange going to bed at night knowing that I am alone in the house, with just the dogs and the cat. Knowing that I won't hear them coming in late at night and getting ready for bed. The rooms seem so empty without the girls.

I am very fortunate that I have Steve, who keeps me busy, and all my delightful friends that I do fun things with.

But I have to say it is very difficult adjusting to having no children in the house.

Will I be okay, sure i will, but i will still be a little sad, i cannot help that.

Dreaming

"Dreams are necessary to life." Anais Nin

Dreams are fascinating and sometimes scary. I seem to have some very vivid dreams at times. Of course, I also have been known to have nightmares since I was 16 years old.

Last night I dreamed that I had to get a new cell phone, but I didn't want a new cell phone. I really wanted my green cell phone, I love my green cell phone. When I got the new phone, which was pretty cool, I just wanted to be able to use my green cell phone, but it only played games!

Why in the world would I be dreaming about cell phones and why am I so attached to my current green cell phone?, I asked myself this morning.

So I looked at a dream interpretation site, in the dream dictionary. This is what it had to say:

"to use a cell phone in your dream, indicates that you are being receptive to new information. It also represents your mobility.

To dream that you lost your cell phone, represents a lack of communication. You have lost touch with some aspect of your feelings or your Self. If you find a cell phone, then it symbolizes reconnection and reopened communication."

So much like my personality, I am totally complex. I was both using my cell phone and losing my cell phone. So does that mean I am receptive to new information and ready to go on a trip(Ireland in September?) and that I have lost some aspect of my feelings or my Self. And to top it off I found a cell phone, so I reopened communication?

Who knows but I think maybe my attachment to my green cell phone holds a deeper meaning, somehow.

Dieting

"Sieze the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waves off the dessert cart. Erma Bombeck

Perhaps I have been seizing too many moments! Once upon a time I lost 25 pounds. I did it fairly easily. I was very good, and only ate healthy food, lots of protein and fewer carbs. I had convinced myself that I had made a real life style change.

Then the unspeakable happened. My beloved son died and suddenly I have no control over my mind. I try and try and do well for a few days, but then I get an uncontrollable urge for potato chips and candy. I seize the moment when i feel like that, but unfortunately I have been feeling like that too often.

I was reading an article today that pointed out the difference between happiness and your pleasure center. I am happy most of the time. I have many things to be happy about. I have a wonderful man who loves me and two very beautiful intelligent daughters who spend time with me.

Come September, things will change again in my life. Both girls will be heading off to grad school, one in California and the other in Scotland. I will be alone in my house again for the first time in 2 years. I am so very excited for both the girls. And I will still have Steve, who keeps me busy and happy!

I still have 15 pounds to lose.

So, I should be able to just say no to those urges when they hit, or at least, only say yes once in a while. Can I do it? Yes I think I can.

Grief

For certain is death for the born

And Certain is birth for the dead;

Therefore over the inevitable

Thou shouldst not gireve

Bhagavad Gita

I feel so out of control. I can't seem to manage my diet or much else in my life. I feel unorganized and just sort of blah most of the time. I manage to have some fun. My friends and family are so good to me. But, the fact of the matter is I am still grieving. I will be grieving for quite a while.

I feel certain I will snap out of this funk at some point. I have so much in my life to be thankful for.

The key point I have just realized is that I feel even more afraid now that something will happen to the people I love the most. Now that it has happened, with my son's death, I feel even more fearful that it will happen again. I think this above all is what is really wrong with me.

How do I get this out of my head? Who knows. I just try to put it on a shelf and live each and enjoy the time I have with the people I love. My rational mind tells me to stop thinking such thing,of which I have no control. My emotional self just worries.

I am getting on a plane headed for Ireland. I will be with my Dad, my sister, my brother and his wife. I am very excited about spending this time with my dad, but I will be worrying about the girls, and the dog. I am excited to see Ireland ( I will be in Killarney and can't help but think about the song Christmas in Killarney, by Bing Crosby). BUT here is the problem, I have to GET ON A PLANE and CROSS THE ATLANTIC to get there. This is a little scary.

So just putting these thoughts out there seems to help. I don't feel hopeless, in fact I am full of hope. I think I just feel sad.

Wine and Cheese

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

W.C. Fields

Wine and cheese what could be a better combination. Today is Thursday and that means a trip to Krannert center for Uncorked!

Thursdays are often my most relaxing day. It doesn't matter what has gone on at work, how harried I have been all day, just knowing that at 4:30pm Steve will retrieve me and off we go to sip wine and eat cheese!

Sometimes there is a bonus, music with wine and cheese and Steve. Now how could I ask for more.

Today has been very satisfying at work. I have actually written most of the report I have had on my desk for weeks. Finishing something that you want to work on but, just can't get to because a hundred other things pop up, is extremely satisfying.

So, come join Steve and I at Krannert for a little wine and a little cheese and a little music by the Pain Killers!

Grumpy

Grumpy, tired, not fit to be around. Well, these adjectives so describe me this morning.

For whatever dumb reasons I can come up with I fit this description. Do I want to be grumpy, tired, not fit to be around. The answer is emphatically NO!

So, I read this blog this morning that I think is wonderful, and it started me on a journey to just change my attitude this morning, quit being sorry for myself that I can't have ice cream or potato chips and lose the weight I am trying to lose, that I work so much, when I get home I am exhausted, that i get tired of doing dishes and cleaning the house and taking care of every stupid weed in my endless gardens, that I never have time to just chill with a good book.

Then I shopped in quotations and came up with this marvelous quote by Martha Washington

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be in; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."

So I thank you Martha Washington and one of my favorite bloggers, for showing me the errors of my ways! I feel so much better now, I can tackle anything with a smile today.